I murdered the dance floor call the cops
someone owes me an orgasm
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize