watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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