DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
