At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
