I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
