I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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