I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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