I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
