Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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