Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
