I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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