You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize