Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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