This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
