he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
