did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
