non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
