Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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