There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You made out with two different species that night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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