We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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