Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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