I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
