Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize