I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
