Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
