Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
