That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
