apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
