My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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