if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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