I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
