I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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