NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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