I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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