hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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