ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
