as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
