The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize