Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
