When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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