better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
