go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
