All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will pee on everything he values.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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