I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize