the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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