Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
