you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
