Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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