morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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