i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
