is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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