im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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