She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
