before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
