Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
