My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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