If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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