Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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