There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
