i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize