ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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