The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
