How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The air was thick with penises
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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