i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
