apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
