Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
