Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drunk is not a location!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
