My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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