You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
