And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
