Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
