Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize