Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
