I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
