I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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