i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
