Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
