if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
