I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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