i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
