Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
