To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
