Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
