I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it hurts more in the daytime
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
