Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
