My hand turned me down
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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