return my video game
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
