her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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