I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
