Dude my mom stole all your condoms
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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