I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
