I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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