I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize