i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
