He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
