So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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