The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize