If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
